Wow, that could be me... I've also not gone to my highschool reunion, and my answer to the request was pretty much the same.
Funny thing though, I did help the people setting it up in tracking down all the other kids from the class, I still remembered each and every one of them, and where they had lived.
But I didn't feel like going there myself, too many (very) bad memories about that period.
I can't disagree with his sentiment. Having been bullied myself and being part of a small racial minority, at least I ultimately had the good fortune of attending a public highschool in Canada that was flooded with geeks (relatively small town with the school next to two universities).
That said, I think experiences - both good and bad make us who we are. In a sort of sadistic way, I'm sort of glad that the bullying built up a certain level of resilience and has helped motivate me. I haven't delved much into the author's personal life but I can't help but imagine that while he may not want to friend these jerks on facebook, in some small part he owes some of the best parts of who he is to these people.
That's a good point, I never looked at it that way. The bullies certainly taught me how to stand up for myself, to the point where - and I'm not proud of this - I put one in hospital and got suspended for three weeks.
What really surprised me though is that the people that invited me to come didn't recall any of all this, whereas for me it was a constant source of real trouble at the time.
Funny how different viewpoints can radically change the perception of reality.
Is this kind of recall common? I ask because I also had a not-fun time at high school, but I remember very little about it. Names get mentioned - especially on Facebook - of people who I apparently went to school with (and it was a small school), but I remember pretty much nothing about the people. I also have only vague memories of the school itself.
Sorry for veering off-topic, but I've been wondering about my memory lately, and just how much worse it is than the average.
I find that memory is strange, not 'bad' or 'good'. In general it will remember stuff for a while unless you concentrate hard. Bad stuff might get 'forgotten' a little quicker than good stuff, or the reverse.
Stuff that you really want to remember sometimes gets lost for no apparent reason.
I used to be able to remember just about everything that I wanted but lately (now almost 45) that is getting noticeably harder.
Traumatic stuff is in a class of its own. Some people will never be able to get away from it, others have it suppressed to the point where it might as well not have happened.
Have to be anonymous for this as it is a little too personal for comfort.
My earliest memories are from probably extremely traumatic situations: Finding my mother's boyfriend dead from a heroin overdose in his bed (both were addicts) and watching an ambulance crew carry him out. Eating raw pasta when our mother had left us alone in the house for days. Being taken from our house by social workers (I remember parts of the drive from there in vivid detail). I was four or five at that time.
The funny thing is I don't remember how I felt at the time, but the scenes are etched in my memory.
Oh well, make of it what you want, it just came back to me when reading your post :)
Oh yeah, I didn't go to my high school re-union either. I liked the people I went to class with at the time, but the memories from the time are painful so I really have no desire to stir them.
At the same time I go to my college re-union every year, which is associated with a time when life became stable.
I don't really know what to say to that other than that I'm really happy to see you on the 'other side' of that and alive and apparently well. I thought I had had it pretty rough at some times in my past, you make me feel like I had a very easy childhood.
Thanks, seriously. I don't know that I am extraordinarily resilient or if the circumstances just sound worse to an outsider than they really were. In either case I don't have to think too hard to come up with somebody who has it worse than me, which is always a sobering thought.
I think you tend to remember the things you think about. I don't think about the past very often myself, or the 'glory days' of high school or whatever, so it's all a blur to me. At least that's how I hope it works because if it doesn't, I have severe brain damage.
I remember very little of school (my experience was meh, not bad). Sometimes (again on Facebook) I’ll see a name that seems familiar, but I can’t remember the person. Some (few) other people I remember clearly.
An addendum:
I can’t even remember college that clearly. More clearly than HS, but I can’t remember the names of most of my instructors. Where by “most” I mean all but one, and I only remember his name because he also became a friend.
Funny thing though, I did help the people setting it up in tracking down all the other kids from the class, I still remembered each and every one of them, and where they had lived.
But I didn't feel like going there myself, too many (very) bad memories about that period.