DSM-V [1] describes criteria / symptoms in two groups (caps from document, sorry):
> A. PERSISTENT DEFICITS IN SOCIAL COMMUNICATION AND SOCIAL INTERACTION ACROSS CONTEXTS, NOT ACCOUNTED FOR BY GENERAL DEVELOPMENTAL DELAYS
> B. RESTRICTED, REPETITIVE PATTERNS OF BEHAVIOR, INTERESTS, OR ACTIVITIES
For criteria A, severity is more or less measured by how much social impairment is observed --- that's a measure of social acceptability in some fashion.
For criteria B, the severity criteria is about "interference with functioning in contexts" as well as observed distress of the patient. Interference with functioning can be related to the patient resisting the desired function, but it can also be because the patient is socially excluded due to their behavior.
Although, I should point out clinical criteria in general and the DSM in specific are a formalization of arbitrary judgements that describe observable characteristics grouped into a diagnostic category; this can be useful, but it's not really an understanding of the underlying condition(s), it's a handbook of things to look for when a patient comes asking for help and what things to try to help them. If someone has the same underlying conditions but manages to pass as socially acceptable, they may not come in for help, and that's fine too. When multiple underlying conditions result in similar observable criteria, the DSM gets pretty confused; there's not much in the way of attaching traces and getting debug logs for mental processes though, especially out in the world, so this is the best society has, I guess.
If I persistently ask awkward questions, that might "inhibit social interactions". If my community was tolerant and even accepting of this behavior it might not inhibit social interactions quite as much. They are different things for some behaviors but extremely closely related for others.
A specific behavior could qualify as both unaccepted by society and inhibiting social interactions. But that doesn’t mean that being unaccepted by society and having inhibited social interactions is the same measure.
It is not just about societal tolerance. It is also about autistic person having complete emotional meltdown with yelling abusive things or even hitting things because something was not exactly to his/her liking. You can "tolerate" that, but then you are just allowing someone else to be abused.
And even in milder cases, the "does not understand social rules" is sometimes or even frequently euphemism for what would be labeled as abusive or cruel or simply selfish behavior for non autistic person.
> It is also about autistic person having complete emotional meltdown ... because something was not exactly to his/her liking.
This usually happens when the person's needs have been repeatedly ignored, either because the person isn't aware of their needs, and thus isn't able to communicate them; or because the person has tried to communicate their needs but not been understood; or because the person has tried to communicate their needs and had their needs disregarded.
This isn't unique to people with neurodivergence.
> with yelling abusive things or even hitting things
Eventually communication fails and all that's left is violence. History (and the present day) is full of examples of this happening on an individual, national, and planetary scale.
> This usually happens when the person's needs have been repeatedly ignored, either because the person isn't aware of their needs, and thus isn't able to communicate them; or because the person has tried to communicate their needs but not been understood; or because the person has tried to communicate their needs and had their needs disregarded.
This is not true. Low emotional control is one of symptoms and for many autistic this is just a default response. It is literally part of diagnosis. There is no space for needs or rights of others. This is response to someone putting a cut into drawer wrong way or disobeying one of thousands weird rules the autistic person have for themselves and the world.
This frequently happens as a first response to the situation, before any communication could possibly occur.
> Eventually communication fails and all that's left is violence.
Autistic person being violent is violence as any other. And there was no attempt at communication, because man autistic dont understand why the thing needs to be communicated in the first place. They dont understand other dont see the word the same way.
And even more importantly, it is an emotional meltdown having nothing to do with what went on with communication before or not.
> A. PERSISTENT DEFICITS IN SOCIAL COMMUNICATION AND SOCIAL INTERACTION ACROSS CONTEXTS, NOT ACCOUNTED FOR BY GENERAL DEVELOPMENTAL DELAYS
> B. RESTRICTED, REPETITIVE PATTERNS OF BEHAVIOR, INTERESTS, OR ACTIVITIES
For criteria A, severity is more or less measured by how much social impairment is observed --- that's a measure of social acceptability in some fashion.
For criteria B, the severity criteria is about "interference with functioning in contexts" as well as observed distress of the patient. Interference with functioning can be related to the patient resisting the desired function, but it can also be because the patient is socially excluded due to their behavior.
Although, I should point out clinical criteria in general and the DSM in specific are a formalization of arbitrary judgements that describe observable characteristics grouped into a diagnostic category; this can be useful, but it's not really an understanding of the underlying condition(s), it's a handbook of things to look for when a patient comes asking for help and what things to try to help them. If someone has the same underlying conditions but manages to pass as socially acceptable, they may not come in for help, and that's fine too. When multiple underlying conditions result in similar observable criteria, the DSM gets pretty confused; there's not much in the way of attaching traces and getting debug logs for mental processes though, especially out in the world, so this is the best society has, I guess.
[1] https://depts.washington.edu/dbpeds/Screening%20Tools/DSM-5(...