Your suggestion is sound but my mental acuity is in the fucking dumpster. I am bad at my job because I am so stressed and upset about my inability to control my life. I'm doing some of the worst work ever... it takes me so long to do things and I'm just below the standard I know I can operate at.

So while the "keep working and look for work" thing is reasonable... it's just not for me. I can't. I can't keep up. I am so exhausted that everything is breaking down around me.

Beyond my refusal to engage in something that I don't believe can be successful... who the fuck wants to hire someone who is so disregulated and upset? I don't understand how i can ever come back from this.