There are many others here (on HN) and elsewhere that are in a similar situation of struggle, confusion and doubt. You asking this question has triggered almost 600 comments so far that have provided feedback, support, and personal or anecdotal evidence that it is possible (to turn one's life around). That is now hopefully benefiting those who also needed to be a part of this conversation (whether they knew it or not).

I wanted to thank you for that. I can say I'm personally benefiting from reading much of this. I hope it's helping you as well.