> it's very tiring to continually hear my existence referred to as a "culture war fight." you're not wrong, so I haven't downvoted you, it's just.. depressing.
I'm sorry you feel that way and that it depresses you.
> I pass very well, everyone knows me as a woman and most don't know I'm trans.
Well, that's the point, isn't it? The "culture war" isn't as straightforward as all the parties involved would like us to believe it is.
My personal method of detection for calling someone 'he' or 'she' is whether they look more like a man or more like a woman. Even if I later learn that the person is a man and not a woman (or vice versa) I'm still going to call the man-looking person 'he' and the woman-looking person 'she'.
And this is where the problem starts - it really doesn't take much for the average female to look masculine or for the average male to look feminine (at least enough to pass as the other gender). When I address someone as a man and in response get a tantrum for being transphobic it makes me wonder why a man who identifies as a woman still wants to present as a man (and vice-versa, of course).
When someone with a neatly trimmed and cultured beard insists that you call him 'her', they're more interested in stirring up controversy than in what they self-identify as.
So, yeah, there is a Culture War of sorts, but it's between the people who want to push other people's buttons and the people who don't think that other people should be able to dress, talk, act and call themselves whatever they wish to.
You presumably aren't in either camp, so good on you.
> I keep a quiet life in a progressive area, so I'm mostly unaffected by the culture war. but realizing the fight is about me, even though I'm not a fighter.
I do have a serious question though - we know that your gender is unimportant for most things. Some things (like the gender tickbox on hospital admittance forms) you'll need to reveal your biological sex.
What about prisons? If a transperson is convicted of a major crime and is sentenced to prison, do they go to the prison that matches their self-identified gender, or to the prison that matches their biological sex?
I think which prison you go to varies, by the current political tide, state, or how far along you are in transition. Since I haven't had vaginoplasty, I'd probably be sent to a men's prison. I'd request solitary to avoid being beaten, raped or killed for being queer, but failing that I'd probably use sexual favors and be someone's "bitch" in exchange for protection. I'd probably end up with HIV, but maybe make it through with my life.
Once I get vaginoplasty, maybe I'd go to a women's prison, but I'm really not sure.
I'm sorry you feel that way and that it depresses you.
> I pass very well, everyone knows me as a woman and most don't know I'm trans.
Well, that's the point, isn't it? The "culture war" isn't as straightforward as all the parties involved would like us to believe it is.
My personal method of detection for calling someone 'he' or 'she' is whether they look more like a man or more like a woman. Even if I later learn that the person is a man and not a woman (or vice versa) I'm still going to call the man-looking person 'he' and the woman-looking person 'she'.
And this is where the problem starts - it really doesn't take much for the average female to look masculine or for the average male to look feminine (at least enough to pass as the other gender). When I address someone as a man and in response get a tantrum for being transphobic it makes me wonder why a man who identifies as a woman still wants to present as a man (and vice-versa, of course).
When someone with a neatly trimmed and cultured beard insists that you call him 'her', they're more interested in stirring up controversy than in what they self-identify as.
So, yeah, there is a Culture War of sorts, but it's between the people who want to push other people's buttons and the people who don't think that other people should be able to dress, talk, act and call themselves whatever they wish to.
You presumably aren't in either camp, so good on you.
> I keep a quiet life in a progressive area, so I'm mostly unaffected by the culture war. but realizing the fight is about me, even though I'm not a fighter.
I do have a serious question though - we know that your gender is unimportant for most things. Some things (like the gender tickbox on hospital admittance forms) you'll need to reveal your biological sex.
What about prisons? If a transperson is convicted of a major crime and is sentenced to prison, do they go to the prison that matches their self-identified gender, or to the prison that matches their biological sex?