"Zenith" is an interesting word. You might want to ponder "growth" vs "progression."
Most of what you said suggests that you're really good at doing jobs. All that stuff has a quantitative aspect to it. There are expectations to exceed, there are "firsts," companies sell for a specific numerical value.
I've had some similar feelings about things, I used to be a bicycle racer and in my mid-40s it sort of hit me like a lightning bolt but no amount of training was going to allow me to repeat some of the things I had done on a bike in my younger years. I feel fortunate, I love riding, I loved racing too but I can experience joy from a good ride. Sounds to me, and this is a total guess, but you don't particularly like writing software (or whatever it was your companies did) so much as you like competing and progressing. You've done well, you've got all the good badges in this Pokemon go of life. Stop competing, do some art or something, take up fishing, serve lunch at a local homeless shelter a couple times a week (it's really hard to be the best at that,) be present for your wife and kids. Find something you like to do for the sake of doing and not for the progression and competition of it. Be strict with yourself about it because it's damn easy to "compete" at a lot of things. Shit, do the hard thing, and go do something you're bad at and keep doing it, you don't have to be good at it; learn pottery or glass blowing or something.
I've been doing classic outdoor activities with my kids the last couple years, shooting, fishing, archery, etc.. It's an insanely good way to create space to talk with them and just have relationships with them and then every now and then someone does something that they are really proud of. The archery guys seem to get it the best and almost have mysticisms around it, but you can do everything perfectly in these activities, you can have the best gear, you can find the best places, you can do it all completely perfect and come home empty handed... it's just not always in your control and it's still a good experience that is worth doing. There are a lot of things like that. We have a pond near us, I don't know how many times I've had a long day of problem solving, went to the pond with the kids, caught no fish at all and we all came home happier after just being outside and watching the sun go down.
Do keep talking to therapists and definitely do talk to people if you're particularly down about this day. You're young though, there is a ton of great stuff for you left to do and contribute.
Most of what you said suggests that you're really good at doing jobs. All that stuff has a quantitative aspect to it. There are expectations to exceed, there are "firsts," companies sell for a specific numerical value.
I've had some similar feelings about things, I used to be a bicycle racer and in my mid-40s it sort of hit me like a lightning bolt but no amount of training was going to allow me to repeat some of the things I had done on a bike in my younger years. I feel fortunate, I love riding, I loved racing too but I can experience joy from a good ride. Sounds to me, and this is a total guess, but you don't particularly like writing software (or whatever it was your companies did) so much as you like competing and progressing. You've done well, you've got all the good badges in this Pokemon go of life. Stop competing, do some art or something, take up fishing, serve lunch at a local homeless shelter a couple times a week (it's really hard to be the best at that,) be present for your wife and kids. Find something you like to do for the sake of doing and not for the progression and competition of it. Be strict with yourself about it because it's damn easy to "compete" at a lot of things. Shit, do the hard thing, and go do something you're bad at and keep doing it, you don't have to be good at it; learn pottery or glass blowing or something.
I've been doing classic outdoor activities with my kids the last couple years, shooting, fishing, archery, etc.. It's an insanely good way to create space to talk with them and just have relationships with them and then every now and then someone does something that they are really proud of. The archery guys seem to get it the best and almost have mysticisms around it, but you can do everything perfectly in these activities, you can have the best gear, you can find the best places, you can do it all completely perfect and come home empty handed... it's just not always in your control and it's still a good experience that is worth doing. There are a lot of things like that. We have a pond near us, I don't know how many times I've had a long day of problem solving, went to the pond with the kids, caught no fish at all and we all came home happier after just being outside and watching the sun go down.
Do keep talking to therapists and definitely do talk to people if you're particularly down about this day. You're young though, there is a ton of great stuff for you left to do and contribute.