Sorry you feel that way, I'll try to be frank here, if my advice isn't useful, just don't take it.
I know a few people exactly like you, that like to boost about how well off they are and that are depressed and sad, but they treat life as it is a game of competition, this is why they usually start by displaying how "they've won", but in reality they were the only ones that were silly enough to only think about work.
What do you like to do outside of work, that isn't some sort of addiction, such as gaming, gambling and doesn't give some kind of thrill that you also get in business and while making money? Try to spend more time doing those things.
Also to say those things to your wife and come here and say is load, makes me believe you don't respect her at all. What does your therapist say about this?
You've decided to waste the best years of your life working a lot and making money, and now you fail to appreciate the things you've conquered etc. At your age, there is still a lot of things you can do. Now there is still a lot of golden days, but it will never be like you were 20, for sure.
Such as, if you try to skate, every fall will hurt much more than when you were young and take longer to recover. Same is for playing an instrument, will take much longer to learn. We are like fruits, eventually we will get rotten.
Also the way you talk about depression seems like you want to hide behind it. Honestly depressed people can't get shit done as you do, I live with somebody with it and they can't wake up, have a business or deal with commitments as you've done, to me it seems you are mostly sad because you want to always be on a peak, winning, sort of like a cocaine addict, hence my earlier comment about addiction.
A therapist can help with that, invest on more sessions and if the current one isn't working, find a new one.
> Honestly depressed people can't get shit done as you do, I live with somebody with it and they can't wake up, have a business or deal with commitments as you've done, to me it seems you are mostly sad because you want to always be on a peak, winning, sort of like a cocaine addict, hence my earlier comment about addiction
This isn't true, depression has a pretty wide spectrum, and some depressed people are fairly high functioning. There are vast differences in severity, and it also surfaces differently in different people.
Yes, but every depressed human will eventually break because of that. No way you're getting trough with that - given, the 'highly functioning' is a displacement for your depression. They have been depressed before, but afterwards it'll be much more apparent (and urgent).
Echoing what other commenters are saying. Depression takes many forms, and some of them allow you to still function. Just like some people can be a high functioning alcoholic, some people can hold down a job and achieve high levels of professional success while everything else in their life is crumbling to their depression.
There's also like 5 classes of antidepressant drugs, and several more that don't fall into a specific class. Each class has several options. If the first one doesn't work for you, that doesn't mean the next wont. The biological causes of depression aren't well understood and it's trial and error to find one that works for you. I would encourage people who are depressed to talk with their doctor, and find a medication that works for them. And don't be afraid to tell your doctor one isn't working, they won't be surprised.
Depression isn't one size fits all, and the meds for it aren't either.
> but in reality they were the only ones that were silly enough to only think about work
A lot of people find passion + work align. It's ok not to waste your time watching TV, sports, playing games, art, and all that stuff people do to distract them from life. It is ok for your hobby to be work.
There are just enough people who aren't driven to work, that it bothers them. I can work 10 hours every day, and enjoy working that way on the weekends. Life is boring - if you're in charge of work, it can be fulfilling.
I disagree and I also don't think watching TV qualifies as a hobby. Hobbies are something you set out to actively do and you're OK being mediocre at. Sort of like a pretend-job where there's no real pressure, only the joy of experimenting with it.
Almost by definition, you want to excel at work. You're worried about promotions, being fired, hitting your goals, getting the comp number you wanted at the end of the year, dealing with co-workers you can't avoid, bosses, beating your competitors, etc. Hobbies have none of these things. Not to mention the personal responsibility of bringing home the bacon, even if you're not the sole breadwinner, balancing life and work, dealing with conflicting schedules, etc.
Learning to play the piano or to sail or to skate or to crochet are activities that can be challenging but you don't owe anything to anyone. You do it because it's a nice way to get your mind off the stuff that does stress you.
100% true, it is exactly what I've meant with my comment.
Well, there is a lot of people that die everyday having wasted all their lives working and hating themselves because they've never made time for themselves, even if they could afford to.
As hacker news has a bunch of hustle culture bros, such argument doesn't resonate much here, it is sad to say, but even though this community motivate a lot of individuals to take charge of their lives and get into entrepreneurship, innovation and great contributions to society, at the same time, some people also end up getting trapped by money/compensation and pointless work, doing stupid shit they dislike or doesn't like as much and many divorces and sad stories, which are very rarely shared here.
OP has mentioned that he is basically done with his obligations in life and is sad, and then this cryptobro comes here to talk shit that those hustlers do.
If you want to waste your life doing amateur climbing, bowling or doing art and living off tips and being homeless, AND YOU ENJOY IT, this is what you should be doing. There will be always the Elon Musk's that will have 10 kids, 15 wives, 7 girlfriends and a couple hundred billions, you don't need to become another one.
It is the humanities, arts etc that make us humans and gives meaning to our existence in the universe. It isn't shooting fucking rockets to space.
just because you feel work is the only thing that gives you purpose doesn't mean it's the only thing. Having material goods and producing material goods for others isn't the only purpose in life and a majority of people will not find true happiness out of this.
It doesn't mean that laziness is the way to go, but viewing having hobby's that don't produce something as a bad thing is an awful outlook on life and just makes you a slave to others.
Basically he's someone who only finds value by producing economic value for someone else. Their own wants, desires etc have no value to someone else so therefor should not be pursued. It's a pretty fucked up view of what life should be. I'm sure they're someone that views old people as having absolutely no value in life as well.
> Life is boring - if you're in charge of work, it can be fulfilling.
Life is quite exciting with the right social group. Work is inevitably drudging away while an employer takes 98% of your output for themselves and gives you table scraps in return.
This is coming from somebody who turned his hobbies + passion into his work, and then narrowly avoided hardcore burnout after he realized the industry sucked and that the only things that matter to it are that which can be sacrificed at the altar of naked capitalism. That it is filled with a million idiots that all think they're right and are supervised by slovenly magpies that pour gas on whatever fire gets them the most KPI points with their superiors.
Re: "Now there is still a lot of golden days, but it will never be like you were 20, for sure.", this is not necessarily a bad thing. 20-somethings move so fast because they don't have the experience to move strategically, to stop, think slowly and methodically, gather perspectives and advice, and make deliberate, powerful moves. Older people don't need to be so hyperactive; we move with more efficiency because we don't need to move as MUCH. Learn to play chess rather than checkers. This worship of youth is disease.
Repeating what others have said, but as the person in question. I'm incredibly depressed in the sense that I struggle to find motivation to achieve fairly basic tasks such as laundry, feeding myself, etc + extremely numbed emotions, but I am high functioning through a combination of anxiety and force of will (I'm graduating with a decent GPA from a state school with a job lined up).
It can be highly invisible; in fact, I reckon that it is usually invisible and most only see the extreme cases such as your roommate.
Are you diagnosed, need to take medicine, is it chronic, do you need to visit your doctor frequently and have a lot of problems, even social issues...?
If not, then you don't have depression, you are just sad/bored like most of the people in this world and is misusing a word and kind of downplaying on depression.
Yes, I am diagnosed by two different psychiatrists and have been taking medication and been in therapy for over 7 years. It impacts my life daily and has caused a great amount of harm in my life. This includes self-destructive behavior and (long ago) suicidal ideation.
Don't make assumptions about people you don't know.
There is a lot to comment on here, but I'm going to look at this:
> Honestly depressed people can't get shit done as you do
This isn't true. I'm sorry the person you're living with is having a hard time getting out of bed, but there are a lot of people out there who have very severe depression who are "successful". What you describe is just one form that depression can take.
Some of the rest of what you wrote has merit. To be honest, it just sounds like OP doesn't have a fully developed sense of self (very common, esp for people in his generation). If they connect with who they are, and pivot their philosophy in life to connect with what's important to them (their values) they should at least feel a little better. This is where working with a therapist can be helpful. I'd specifically think ACT (acceptance commitment therapy) would be helpful in a situation like this. But, I'll leave the therapy stuff to therapy people.
I personally love your take. I don't know about this person, but it resonates with me. Especially the part about treating life as a game or competition and the only success metric is work/money/power. I'm by no means a lost cause, but I dabble in that game more than I want to. Or, I should say, I assign too much self worth around those metrics.
I wrote specifically that comment above because I've wasted a few years of my life with this mindset and after therapy and a lot of struggles, I've figured out it has been what made me depressive and hate my life and myself.
But I was lucky enough to change the situation around with therapy, friends and a framework that enabled me to... and now I live in peace with a degree of peacefulness with myself.
I recognize that I can easily get addicted into something that gives me that feeling of self-improvement, money arriving in my bank account, stocks going up, being recognized by my peers. This at a modest level, it is actually great, because it will provide you a good standard of living and confort, but too much will make yourself miserable, only when I saw that I was basically like a cocaine addict and couldn't enjoy anything in my life and finally hit the breaks that my life changed.
I know a few people exactly like you, that like to boost about how well off they are and that are depressed and sad, but they treat life as it is a game of competition, this is why they usually start by displaying how "they've won", but in reality they were the only ones that were silly enough to only think about work.
What do you like to do outside of work, that isn't some sort of addiction, such as gaming, gambling and doesn't give some kind of thrill that you also get in business and while making money? Try to spend more time doing those things.
Also to say those things to your wife and come here and say is load, makes me believe you don't respect her at all. What does your therapist say about this?
You've decided to waste the best years of your life working a lot and making money, and now you fail to appreciate the things you've conquered etc. At your age, there is still a lot of things you can do. Now there is still a lot of golden days, but it will never be like you were 20, for sure.
Such as, if you try to skate, every fall will hurt much more than when you were young and take longer to recover. Same is for playing an instrument, will take much longer to learn. We are like fruits, eventually we will get rotten.
Also the way you talk about depression seems like you want to hide behind it. Honestly depressed people can't get shit done as you do, I live with somebody with it and they can't wake up, have a business or deal with commitments as you've done, to me it seems you are mostly sad because you want to always be on a peak, winning, sort of like a cocaine addict, hence my earlier comment about addiction.
A therapist can help with that, invest on more sessions and if the current one isn't working, find a new one.