First off, sorry to hear this! It sounds like you're really having a tough time.
Second, I think that this search for meaning is not unique to you, nor to modern people. We've been doing this for millennia. Religion, philosophy, stoicism, psychology, they all try to answer the question: how do I live a good life?
I don't know you, but I'll give you the answer that I'd give a friend who came to me with this question.
* Find a therapist who works for you. This may involve trying many different ones. If you try 10 and none work, maybe therapy isn't for you, but having someone who is paid to listen to you can be very helpful. Since you know you have depression, find someone to help you with that (which may involve trialing different medications). This is foundational and none of my other advice will be helpful if you don't do this. This post from a leading VC may prove helpful: https://feld.com/archives/2015/04/bringing-depression-shadow...
* Find something bigger than yourself and your achievements to work for. Sibling comments suggest volunteering, I'd be more specific. What are you interested in? Coding?: volunteer at a school or bootcamp and teach folks to code. History?: volunteer at a museum. The outdoors? volunteer at a park. Commit to the volunteering for at least 6 months and treat it like a job because it will be providing what a job might have done in the past: a firm sense of purpose.
* Find some non-work groups to hang out in. This could be sports clubs, civic groups (Odd Fellows, Elks, Rotary Club, etc), book clubs, etc etc. This regular, non work focused socializing will help give your life some richness. I just saw this video and one thing that stood out to me was how relationships with others can give our lives meaning: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6WZuLKOa6k
Second, I think that this search for meaning is not unique to you, nor to modern people. We've been doing this for millennia. Religion, philosophy, stoicism, psychology, they all try to answer the question: how do I live a good life?
I don't know you, but I'll give you the answer that I'd give a friend who came to me with this question.
* Find a therapist who works for you. This may involve trying many different ones. If you try 10 and none work, maybe therapy isn't for you, but having someone who is paid to listen to you can be very helpful. Since you know you have depression, find someone to help you with that (which may involve trialing different medications). This is foundational and none of my other advice will be helpful if you don't do this. This post from a leading VC may prove helpful: https://feld.com/archives/2015/04/bringing-depression-shadow...
* Find something bigger than yourself and your achievements to work for. Sibling comments suggest volunteering, I'd be more specific. What are you interested in? Coding?: volunteer at a school or bootcamp and teach folks to code. History?: volunteer at a museum. The outdoors? volunteer at a park. Commit to the volunteering for at least 6 months and treat it like a job because it will be providing what a job might have done in the past: a firm sense of purpose.
* Find some non-work groups to hang out in. This could be sports clubs, civic groups (Odd Fellows, Elks, Rotary Club, etc), book clubs, etc etc. This regular, non work focused socializing will help give your life some richness. I just saw this video and one thing that stood out to me was how relationships with others can give our lives meaning: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6WZuLKOa6k